Forgiveness is Hell
by Suki-Itami
Summary: ----Full summary inside---- With Rosette dead and their contract terminated because she cut it off right before her death, Chrno is living with the knowledge that he couldn’t save her... ----Redone from the original to better fit the manga storyline----
1. A Memory and a Nightmare

**Story: **_Forgiveness is Hell_

**Summary:**_ With Rosette dead and their contract terminated because she cut it off right before her death, Chrno is living with the knowledge that he couldn't save her and it's tearing him apart. No longer part of the order, he now lives not far away in a small house. Now, another exorcist that has had some interest in him for a while has offered to become his contractor. But what she doesn't realize is just how attached she could become to him. Chrno/OC_

**Disclaimer:**_ I don't own "Chrno Crusade" no matter how much I'd like to._

…

"I'm…sorry…" Joshua dropped down to his knees, panting and coughing, "…Rosette…" He fell forward, dead, in a puddle of blood from the wound Chrno inflicted.

_Chrno was still in his true form, angry. He turned around when he heard labored breathing behind him. The breathing soon turned to a fit of terrible coughs. Chrno ran over to where Rosette lay and cradled her against his chest._

"_Rosette…?" Chrno placed one hand on her pale cheek; she was freezing._

_Rosette looked up at Chrno, her eyes blank. "C-Chrno…"_

_Chrno forced a smile. "It's good to see you're still conscience."_

_Rosette didn't smile though, she tried to look down at her stomach – which was completely numb – but Chrno turned her face towards him. "Chrno…how b-bad am I?"_

_Chrno didn't want to look because he already knew, but did anyway. Rosette's younger brother, Joshua, had pierced directly through her abdomen when she tried to reason with him. She was losing so much blood by the second – and because of their contract, Chrno was feeling it too._

_Chrno's face dropped, he tried to put on a reassuring smile, but just couldn't. Instead, tears started running down his face involuntarily. "Y-You'll be…j-just fine."_

_Rosette started crying too. "Chrno! I don't w-wanna die!"_

"_Y-You won't, Rosette!" Chrno was using all his strength to tell this lie to her and keep himself supported up so that he could hold her. And he knew she didn't believe him, he was never good at lying to her._

_Rosette took off the pocket watch and held it against Chrno's chest and he grabbed her hand to hold it there. "I don't w-want you to…die t-too. Our contract…is o-over."_

_Even though Chrno suddenly felt all his strength come back with the break of their contract, he couldn't help but to start sobbing now. "N-No! I don't want this to end! Rosette, w-what're you—"_

"_I love you…Chrno…" Rosette's body became limp, her hand slipped from Chrno's, dropping the pocket watch._

"_Rosette…?" Chrno shook her a little. "C-Come on Rosette this isn't funny! …Don't leave me!" He shook her more as a rack of sobs shook him. "ROSETTE!!!!"_

…

Chrno's eyes shot open and he gasped for breath as he woke from the memory that's served as his nightmare for the past year and a half. He sat up slowly in his bed and stared out the window to his right, sweat running down his face.

Chrno stood up and turned from the window, to his mirror. He was glad to see that he hadn't transformed last night – glad he was still in his "human child" form. He grabbed a brush and fixed his messy purple hair back into a braid.

As Chrno was reaching into his closet for some clothes, his door opened and a young blonde-haired girl of maybe fourteen walked in. She stopped in the doorway and looked at Chrno.

"I'm sorry to disturb you, I didn't think you'd be up yet." She blushed and hung her head. This girl really didn't like disturbing people.

Chrno pulled out a black t-shirt and black pants. "What are you here for, Az?"

"I wanted to check on you, you're up here all by yourself."

Chrno casually stripped off his white nightclothes, completely unaffected by the young girl freaking out because he was standing in front of her in his boxers. "I'll be fine, I normally am."

"Um, I know… But, there is another reason." Asmaria turned and stared out the door and into the hall, not able to look at Chrno.

It's not like Chrno wasn't good to look at or anything – in fact, he was gorgeous; thin with just the right amount of muscle to accent his figure, his pointed red eyes made his face seem mysterious and dangerous like his true form – but Asmaria **was** trying to get on Sister Kate's good side, something Rosette never did because of her behavior. That, and she was trying hard to become one of the Magdalene exorcists and didn't want anything to hold her back.

Chrno sighed and got dressed quickly; he grabbed a dark headband off of his windowsill and wrapped it around his forehead. "What would that 'other reason' be?"

"Another exorcist wanted to see you." Asmaria looked back in time to see Chrno grab his red trench coat.

Chrno shook his head and buttoned his trench coat at the neck. "What for?"

"She didn't say, she just wanted to see you herself…or something like that."

Chrno sighed again and walked out of his room and into the kitchen area. Sitting in a chair at his little wooden table was a tan-skinned teenage girl with waist-length dark red hair, wearing a long low-cut, thick-strapped dark blue dress. Her muddy brown eyes were narrow, just like Chrno's were in his demon form.

He stopped when he saw this girl, confused as to her appearance. "An exorcist?"

The girl laughed a high-pitched bell-like sound. "I'm a bit of a rebel." She held out her hand for Chrno to take. "My name's Rebecca Black, nice to meet you…" She laughed again. "Chrno the Sinner."

Chrno shook her hand and nodded once. "Likewise…I think."

Rebecca just continued smiling as she pulled her hand back and rested it on the table. She motioned to the seat across the table from her. "Come now, aren't you going to sit? Or, am I going to have to strain my neck talking to you?"

Chrno growled softly and sat down across from Rebecca. He couldn't believe that he actually waited for an invitation to sit down in his own house! "So, Az tells me that there's something you wanted to talk with me about…?"

"Oh, of course." Rebecca sighed, the smile fading from her face. She had kind of been hoping to make some small talk before actually getting to the point. She looked over at Asmaria and said, "If you want, you can leave. I just needed you to show me where Chrno lives."

Asmaria shook her head. "You might not be able to get back to the monastery."

Rebecca looked back at Chrno, lightly blushing. "Okay, I'll tell you if—"

"There is no 'if'. Either, tell me or get out of my house." Chrno said a little coldly.

Rebecca smirked. "You really are cold, Chrno. Treat a guest more kindly."

"Listen, you—"

"Especially considering you're dealing with one of your kind."

Chrno was confused for all of a half-minute before he saw ears like his were currently instead of human ears. "A demon? A demon can't be part of the order, I was told that myself!"

Rebecca giggled; she seemed quite entertained by Chrno. "Yes, yes, that's quite true. But, as all demons have their 'human form', I have just this one. A mix between an unleashed demon and a demon's 'human form'."

Chrno's face hardened. "What are you?"

Rebecca continued smiling as she rested her face in her left hand, her arm resting on the table. "I thought you wanted to know why I came."

Chrno sighed and rubbed his temples. _This girl is so difficult!_ He yelled in his head. "Okay, tell me what you are first."

Rebecca nodded once. "Alright!" She cleared her throat. "I am a half-demon. Most of you demons call me a mutt, but I don't feel that I am."

"A half-demon? I didn't even know that a demon and a human would even consider…"

"Yeah, that's what a lot of people say when they find out what I am." Rebecca let her face drop. "Unfortunately, my father – who was the demon – grew tired of my human mother and me. One day he just…"

Chrno waited a moment before asking, "'He just'…what?"

She shook her head and smiled again. "Maybe if we become closer, I'll tell you. But, for now, you just have to wait!"

Chrno stared at her blankly for a moment before sighing and letting it go. "So, why did you come here? I mean, why did you come to see me?"

Rebecca giggled again, and it was seriously starting to get on Chrno's nerves. "Well, I just thought that maybe since you lost your contractor that maybe you might want…another one."

Chrno took a breath so he wouldn't freak out; he had never actually thought anyone from the order was that dumb. "I'm guessing you had yourself in mind then."

"Yes!"

"No."

"Why not?"

Chrno sighed to let out the air he'd been holding in. "There are a lot of reasons, one being you're getting on my nerves with that stupid giggle."

"Hey…!"

"But the main reason is that you probably don't understand just want it means to **be** a contactor."

Rebecca became serious; her eyes seemed to attempt to pierce through Chrno. "Listen to me. I may seem like I'm just doing this for the hell of it, to be closer to a demon…to relate more to my father's side of blood. But I'm not!" Her hands started shaking, though she was clearly trying to hide it. "I know what the cost is, the cost is my soul! I know I probably won't live very long if I become your contractor, and I don't care!"

Chrno stayed surprisingly quiet, which confused the even quieter Asmaria.

"The only thing I ask for is to actually be accepted! Maybe you're right, maybe I don't know everything about **being** a contractor, but did Rosette…?!" Rebecca was standing by this point to emphasize what she was saying. "Tell me, just what is it that I have to do to show you that this is what I want?!"

Chrno sighed heavily. "Just tell me what you think you're going to accomplish by becoming my contractor."

"I have my reasons. And those reasons are because of my father…" She wiped a stray tear off of her face. "I'm tired of remembering what he did, remembering that to him I'm nothing more than a stupid **mutt**!!"

Chrno exchanged a look with Asmaria before looking back at the half-demon in front of him and asking, "What is it about your father that's tormenting you like this? Tell me and I might consider it."

She paused for a moment, not sure if she should tell him, but knew that it was the only way to get what she wanted. "Fine… My father killed my mother, and left me in the middle of a blizzard to die when I was only three-years-old."


	2. A Grave's Guidance

**{sob} I just read the end of Chrno Crusade, and I'm bawling! How dare Moriyama-Sensei do that to Rosette and Chrno! {sob, sob, sob}**

…

Chrno looked at Rebecca in silent shock, his face still completely composed. Yes, he had seen it coming when she wouldn't tell him about her past, but it was still strange and sad to hear someone honestly saying "my father killed my mother". Not only that, but he also left her in a blizzard when she was only three.

He looked in her eyes, torn with agony. _To be able to survive that and many other things that would come with being a "half-breed", I'm surprised she's so willing to become a contractor._

Rebecca noticed the shock in Chrno's eyes and sat back down. "I suppose you'd like to know the story behind it all, wouldn't you…?"

He shrugged. "I really don't care. Seeing as that part of your past is particularly painful, I won't force you to talk about it yet. I understand when you want to just keep something inside, so when you're ready to tell me, you can."

She giggled a bit as she rested her head in her hand. "If you had wanted me to wait to tell you, I wouldn't have had to tell you about my father."

"Y-Yeah, you're right."

For a few minutes, there was a long, drawn out silence. Both the demon and half-demon were trying to think of something to say to end the silence. But, instead of one of them, Asmaria jumped in and broke the silence.

"Um, we really should get back." Asmaria said suddenly, feeling a little awkward.

Rebecca stood up. "Yes, I suppose we should." She held her hand out to Chrno. "It was nice talking with you. If you want to talk again, or if you decide the answer to my question, you know where to find me."

He stood up and shook her hand. "Yes, yes I do."

She bowed her head down shortly in a sign of respect and followed Asmaria out the door. He looked at the door for, what felt like to him, at least an hour before his legs gave out and he fell back into the chair.

Chrno leaned back in the chair and stared up at the ceiling. His thoughts drifted in and out of the story Rebecca had told him about her father. _What's going through that girl's head? She wants to be tied to another demon after what her father did…? I don't understand it at all._

…

Rebecca giggled as she pulled her hair back with a red ponytail holder that blended in with her hair perfectly. "Oh, Azzy, it's just a matter of time…!"

"I told you not to call me that." Asmaria said with a sigh. "Besides, I still don't understand what you're trying to accomplish by becoming Chrno's contractor. If you want to live a long life, using your soul as a payment isn't the way to do it."

"It's simple, really." The older girl said seriously, staring straight ahead at the people going about their daily business as they walked down the street back to the Order's HQ.

"How is it simple?"

"It's simple in the sense that I would finally get justice."

"For your…mother's death?"

"Yes. I know an approximate location as to the whereabouts of my father. If I become Chrno's contractor and we find him," She closed her eyes and leaned her head back to soak up some sun in her already tanned skin, "…my mother's soul can finally be at peace."

Asmaria smiled and continued looking forward, not as confident about not running into anyone as Rebecca. "You remind me of Rosette. It really is a shame she never saved Joshua."

"Yes." Rebecca stopped and took a breath. "I had wanted to meet Joshua so badly after meeting Rosette. I would imagine they both were equally as amazing people." She giggled softly and solemnly a moment before continuing to walk with Asmaria again. "Perhaps, though, Chrno will be a great example of her effect on people. Once I can get him to trust me a bit more, that is."

Asmaria laughed a little. "Yes, that's true. I can't wait for you to meet Satella. She called not too long ago and said she was coming for a visit."

Rebecca smiled. "It'll be nice to meet someone else as well." She stopped at the double doors of the entrance of the Magdalene Order and looked back at the church and graveyard across the street. "I'll catch up with you."

"Hmm?"

"I promised Rosette I'd visit after I met Chrno."

"Okay then. Be back soon though, you know how Sister Kate can get."

Rebecca smiled at her young friend as she turned to walk across the street. "Don't worry, Azzy, I'll hurry."

"Don't call me 'Azzy'!" Asmaria yelled back before turned into the building.

Rebecca didn't even respond to Asmaria's yelling back at her with the lightest giggle as she entered the graveyard. She strolled down the rows of graves, all of different shapes, and even colors as some were weathered from many years of standing proudly. Finally, she stopped and knelt before an ornate Celtic cross.

_Rosette Christopher_

_Daughter, sister, exorcist_

"_Your journey is over"_

Beneath the words were the dates of birth and death. Every time Rebecca laid her eyes on the dates, it reminded her just how young her friend had been when her life was cruelly ended. Nobody had been told how Rosette died, Sister Kate had just informed them all that her body had been found not far from the Order's HQ. Most blamed Chrno because he was seen carrying her body down the street until he couldn't stand, but those who were smart enough knew that he was incapable of killing her. He had loved her.

Rebecca's eyes drifted over to a matching Celtic cross next to Rosette's.

_Joshua Christopher_

_Brother_

There were different theories as to why only his name, dates of birth and death, and his relation to Rosette were the only things on his grave. Most people ended up being half-right, saying that Chrno had requested it for one reason or another, though none knew that it was for such a simple reason as to remind people of Rosette's dedication to finding her brother – her death. Rebecca, though, never had any theories as to why this is; she just always accepted it as the way things were meant to be.

"Hey Rosette." Rebecca said softly. "I visited him today, I visited Chrno. He's just as I thought he would be…lost and confused without you. He doesn't show it, but…but it's there."

She waited a moment with her eyes closed, trying to imagine how Rosette would react to this news…but couldn't get a clear picture in her mind. "I guess you miss him though. You two were in love, it was so obvious. But, god, I don't know how to convince him to let me be his contractor. He needs someone to help him through this, Rosette, and I don't know what to do about it."

"You can start by not trying to have conversations with the dead."

Rebecca turned around and saw Chrno standing behind her. "C-Chrno! You scared me!"

"That wasn't my intention, believe me." He walked forward and placed a bouquet of red and white roses in front of Rosette's grave. "Does everyone come to the grave of someone they miss in order to seek guidance for difficult decisions?"

"Probably." She looked over at Chrno as he knelt beside her and stared at the grave. "It's just such a solemn place that it clears your head and allows you to think."

"Yeah, that's true."

She looked back at the grave as he began to trace the letters of Rosette's name with his fingers. "So, why did you come here?"

He didn't say anything for a long moment, but finally said, "Guidance."

"Hmm…"

"I understand you want to become my contractor," his fingers dropped to land beside the bouquet, "and I understand **why** you want to, but my answer is no."

Rebecca turned to Chrno sharply. "Why not?!"

"Partially because I have no need for a contractor anymore, but mostly because I can't risk another person dying because of me." He sighed and looked up at the sky, darkening with rain clouds.

"Chrno, I can deal with it. Like Rosette, I have a goal that I can't accomplish without your help."

"She…never accomplished her goal because of me! If I hadn't been draining her soul, she'd still be alive! She would've been able to defend herself against…"

"Against?"

"No one." Chrno stood up and turned around to walk away but suddenly stopped just behind Rebecca. "Rizel?! How are you alive?!"

"Chrno?" She turned around to see a hornless demon girl staring at him with a smirk. "Who's that?"

"Rizel, a demon that I knew a long time ago…but Rosette killed her, at least, I thought."

Rizel shrugged as she saw Rebecca. "No half-breed needs to know my name, or who I am." She held out one of her hands to Chrno. "Come on now, Chrno, Lord Aion wants you back on our side."

"No." He drew out a blade from a hidden sheath attached to the back of his waist.

"You've nothing left here, Chrno. One day, the Magdalene exorcists are going to get tired of you staying around here and they will kill you." Rizel said in a halfway reasonable voice.

"No they won't!" Rebecca said suddenly. "I won't let them—"

"Silence, you impudent mutt! I'll kill you if I have to, but Chrno is going back to Eden with me!" The demon woman screamed. "He has **nothing** here, why are you—"

"Eden is rebuilt then?" Chrno asked with a crease formed between his brows.

"Yes, it has been rebuilt to its former glory. I was revived just in time to see it happen too." She sighed. "Now, Chrno, please, lets go home."

"Eden is not my home." He held his blade straight out in front of him. "My home is here, regardless of what the Magdalene Order thinks of me."

"Well, I didn't want to have to do this, but…" Rizel transformed into a true demon in front of them both. "My orders are to bring you back at all costs."

"Fine by me." Chrno tensed as his stance took a more defensive turn.

"I'll help you, Chrno." Rebecca said as she drew a gun out of a pocket near the waist of her dress.

"Are you insane?! Go get help from the Order! Someone stronger, you fool!" He yelled at her.

"Only if I can't fight her." She pointed her gun, loaded with Holy, at Rizel. "I know that we don't need their help."

Chrno sighed. "Fine. But this won't be easy for you."

"I'm exorcist, it's what I do." Rebecca smiled at Chrno. "Besides, how hard can one demon be to take down?"

"You'd be surprised." He mumbled under his breath.

"Are you done talking?!" Rizel jumped into the air. "First, I'll get rid of you! You taint the demon that runs in your veins!"


End file.
